


Quarantine

by joatlas



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Domestic, Fluff and Angst, Locked In, M/M, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23177071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joatlas/pseuds/joatlas
Summary: After an unlucky experience on a planet, Spock and Kirk are quarantined in a room with only each other for company. Can the fragile peace between them really handle that? (After ST 2009, before STID)
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 50
Kudos: 248





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to channel my feeling about being locked inside during the covid crisis through this fic. Chapters are short because I'll try to update very often, possibly every day or every two days as long as I'm stuck in my house. If my boys can get through this, I can too ! Hope you're all safe and smile a little reading this.

“Launching atmosphere scan.” Spock started as Kirk has not even yet set foot on the surface. 

There was a slight smile on the young Captain’s lips as he looked around because the planet was beautiful. Small hills full of light purple trees, the blue-ish light of a sun and, in the background, the sound of something like a river flowing. If he had gone by instinct, he would have immediately taken his helmet off, because surely this place smelled only like vanilla and blueberries. 

“Detecting high levels of radiation and various particles with a high probability of deleterious effects.” Spock continued.

Thank god he listened to Spock before his instinct. Well, sometimes at least. 

“Let’s take some samples and leave quickly then.”

Spock did not even bother to nod and they started walking around collecting various samples as usual. It was silent except for the usual observation the Vulcan made.

After a while, they approached a strange plant. It wasn't certain that it was a plant, however, it was between moss and fungi, in a greyish tint. They both stood near the plant and Kirk observed it curiously as Spock tried to scan a sample. 

“It appears to be resisting 3D scanning. Peculiar.” he observed before he looked for a pocket in his suit. 

He did not want to linger and preferred using a more traditional method of sampling to get this done quickly. He approached a small scalpel near the plant, to cut a piece, but as soon as the instrument had touched it, there was a sudden sound and it exploded. Not like, popped, exploded. The hit threw both officers a few meters back where they landed on their back violently. Noticing quickly that their equipment seemed to have been badly damaged. Whatever substance that was, it had burned it and was attacking the materials. It was literally dissolving their suits. Spock, who had a slightly stronger nature, was the first to manage to get up and immediately taken by adrenaline, ran towards the Captain, urging him to get up too. Seeing no reaction, he pushed on his com. 

“Spock to Enterprise. Emergency beam up required. The Captain and myself have been injured and exposed to dangerous atmospheric particles, potentially lethal. Protection advised on arrival.”

There was a small wait before they were beamed up. It was protocol in case of a potential dangerous hazard brought on board, as medical had to get protection and empty the area so no one could come in direct contact with them. Spock kept an eye on Jim, that he did not faint or anything. But finally they were back on the ship. Their suits half-burned, and Spock could already feel his skin prickle in places. 

The first face they saw was McCoy’s, well, they guessed his face that was mostly covered by a protective suit. He scanned them from a few centimeters away. Kirk started to properly realize what was going on but cringed at the burns on his skin. But as McCoy was scanning them, he started to notice his own skin was starting to burn in the arm that was closest to them. He looked at his hand, horrified for a second, then looking straight at Spock. 

“Both of you go to Jim’s quarters now, they’re the closest. Lock yourselves inside. No visitors until I figure out what this is you brought us.”

Spock nodded and helped Kirk get up, then walk the hallway or two that was still to go. He could not help thinking back about that look Dr McCoy had. He was angry, a lot, but never did he look stressed or scared, not to that extent. It was worrisome. Finally they reached Kirk’s door and as Spock let go of him he immediately walked, with difficulty, to the nearest lounge chair where he threw himself, panting. Spock took a long breath while closing his eyes to recover. 

After a few minutes had passed in silence, Kirk broke the silence. 

“So… what the fuck just happened?”  
“We have to remain here.”  
“Fuck….. Does your skin hurt too? Because I don’t… see anything?”  
“It does yes.”  
“Ok good.” 

To be honest, he was relieved that he was not hallucinating this one.

“Spock, Dr McCoy here, your samples are a handful. What did this to you?”  
“It was a type of plant, or fungus… I was trying to know exactly.”  
“Well this son of a bitch sure didn’t miss you guys. And this is like nothing I’ve seen before. Not sure if it’s from the plant or the air of the planet, or both. Please notify me of any changes in your physiology. Is Jim better?”  
“Fresh as a daisy Bones.” He didn’t sound like it of course.  
“Well, we’ll see how that goes after a few hours locked up with our friend Spock.”  
“As long as it’s only a few hours.”  
“It could be days, or weeks, Jim. I don’t know. The crew may be at risk.” Bones’ voice had softened, it was not their usual banter. “Call me if there’s any changes and for the love of god do not get at each other’s throats just yet.”  
“Fine, mom.”

Jim and Bones both laughed before stopping the communication and Spock looked at him with dark eyes. 

“Well, if we have weeks in here, I’ll have time to teach you some humour, Spock.”


	2. Day 1 - evening

“Spock it’s been six hours please, we could talk about things, I don’t know.”

Kirk was drinking a glass of what Spock hoped was juice while sitting at his desk, probably going through some reports. Spock was sitting on the ground, for lack of a mat, meditating peacefully. He assumed this was one of Kirk’s usual banter thrown at him and did not react. 

“You know I could order you to talk to me, right?”

Spock opened his eyes and got up. 

“I am not convinced a conversation forced by an order would be an agreeable one for you, Jim.”  
“Is that a threat?” He smirked, then looked at his First Officer seriously, getting up from his desk towards him. “Seriously how are you feeling?”

They had both taken a shower, changed into uniforms that were not full of holes from burns. The skin touched by the air of the planet still itched, with no visible trace. Jim felt like his and Spock’s skins were slightly yellowish compared to the usual but he didn’t know if he was just being paranoid.

“I am only concerned about the well-being of the ship if we are to be gone this long.”  
“I’m not. I trust everyone here.” 

Jim was lying slightly, despite appearing very impulsive, he was a perfectionist and letting things go on without his direct control was a thing he absolutely hated. He trusted them, no problem, but he also liked to be there. He hoped by the end of the next shift he would be back on the Captain’s chair.

“We still cannot continue with normal operations. We will have to remain in this area and not start any new mission. Has Starfleet Command been warned of the situation yet?”  
“No.” Jim sighed.

Spock paused before he asked :

“Will they?”

He was starting to know how… loosely his Captain reported to Earth. 

“It’s not urgent. We need to see how it evolves.”  
“With all due respect…”  
“I’m waiting.” Jim said firmly. “Though if you wish to tell on me behind my back… again… feel free Spock.”

Spock had opened his mouth, ready to snap back, before they were interrupted by Dr McCoy calling the room. 

“Jim, Spock… Well, it’s not looking good. The entire team is on the samples but they’re a mystery. It does seem like it’s very dangerous to biological organisms though. No other symptoms?”  
“I have observed that the tint of both our skin has evolved to one more yellow.” Spock said. Jim was relieved he wasn’t the only one thinking this.   
“Interesting.” McCoy paused and they heard him inhaled quite loudly, as if preparing to say something. “Listen… We have a strict Starfleet protocol on unknown diseases. One that I believe is justified, for once. You can’t have any contact with the rest of us until I figure out what it is and how to eliminate it, and even when I do, by precaution you’ll have to remain anyways. From the looks of it you’ll both be okay, I’m monitoring you and you don’t seem to have been exposed enough to be affected. But it’s simply to be certain, other species onboard could have a much more critical reaction to it.”  
“Bones cut the crap, how long are we talking? Two days?”  
“For my most optimistic hypothesis, fifteen days.”  
“What would be the least optimistic, Doctor?” Spock looked worried when he asked.  
“Frankly Spock I don’t know, fourty, fifty?”  
“That’s more than a month!” Jim exclaimed. “We’re gonna go nuts in here. Even Spock will lose his mind.”  
“Unfortunately Doctor I admit the Captain is right.”  
“There’s no choice. You have big quarters, a replicator, a computer. Keep yourselves busy, catch up on some holo fictions, I don’t know, learn to play the accordion for all I care. You’re officers, take this as a well-deserved rest. We’ll station around the area and we’ll com you if anything comes up. I’ve set up some psychological assessments on your computer profiles so use them if you feel distressed. Just please don’t murder each other. Now get some sleep.”  
“Get some sleep?? Bones are you kidding me?? Also there’s only one…” The communication made a shutdown sound as Bones cut it short. “Bed.”

He looked at Spock and sighed. 

“He is right. You look fatigued.”  
“I’m not…” Jim tried to argue but closed his eyes and sighed again. “Alright I am.”

Who was the stupid dumb prick who had decorated his quarters and didn’t bother to put in it a couch that had a normal shape so that someone could sleep on it? It had to be some kind of twisty design with holes in it that made it virtually impossible to use as a bed. 

“I do not require sleep at the present moment and if I do it will be much shorter than yours. I will sleep after you when you wake up.” 

Jim considered the Vulcan for an instant. On the one hand he was glad for the offer to avoid the awkwardness of sharing a bed, on the other hand, he was strangely kind of offended to hear that the prospect was also not agreeable to Spock. After all, he did not feel shame or unease the way Kirk did, so there was obviously a reason unrelated to feelings for him to refuse. Why did he torture himself over this anyways? They could figure that out later. 

“Fine. Great. Thank you Spock. Goodnight.”

The Vulcan nodded as he walked to the other side of the room, starting to look at his PADD. Kirk wasn’t really sure how well he could sleep _knowing_ his First Officer was sitting, awake, at the other side of the room. Yes, his quarters were quite big, and there was a fashionable glass partition between the bed and the rest, but still it was… strange. The only thing Jim could think of at this point, because he had been told so by a handful of male and female companions before, was _“God I sure hope I don’t snore.”_.


	3. Day 2

Jim did snore. Spock had known that this happened but he was frankly a little taken aback when it first started and did get up to get a glimpse of the Captain’s head. He had never heard the sound before, for he had never slept in the same room as a human before, or well, as anyone to be honest. He only recalled one time, when he was very young, falling asleep in his brother’s bed while he was telling him about his studies, but that was all. Hearing Jim produce such a sound was strange for a reason he could not really name exactly. A man so full of chaos and energy suddenly reduced to a set of regular breaths, at a rate of one every two and half second, a constant rhythm. Suddenly James T. Kirk was simple, predictable.

The sound of the snore did make it harder for Spock to concentrate on the scientific paper he was reading, but it wasn’t that important anyways, he was, as you say, filling up time. And apparently would be filling up time for a long time before he could be back on duty. How could he be so reckless? How did he not see that the flower had such a high concentrate of substances that could explode? He did blame himself for the mishap, though they appeared to be just fine. He couldn’t help but think he ought to have been more attentive. He did think of all his recent missions and found his general efficiency to be the lowest when he was teamed with the Captain. He distracted him, in one way or another. That wasn’t adequate. They were supposed to be a team, but clearly they were a crooked one. They both had resentment and clearly not everything had been said. Spock was a man of a few words in general and Jim was a man of a few words when it came to anything else than his ship or jokes. 

Spock got tired of the article after a while and used Jim’s living room screen to watch, with earbuds to not wake him up, a documentary about life on water planets. Halfway into it, the snoring stopped, and didn’t start again until Jim woke up, hours afterwards. 

Jim yawned, stretched while he got up from the bed and looked at the stars through the window for a few seconds. 

“Tired, Spock?”  
“Yes. I will rest.”

He nodded and Jim went to the replicator to get coffee. As soon as he got his cup and turned towards the bed, Spock had come back from changing out of his uniform and was going to bed. Not that he was wearing crazy eccentric pyjamas or anything but seeing him out of uniform at all was a strange occurrence for Jim, in Vulcan robes once or twice, in pyjamas never. He felt stupid about thinking about that. 

“Well, goodnight I guess.”

Spock did not bother to formulate an answer and Jim stood there awkwardly, leaning on the wall, trying to clear his head. This was such a simple situation, why did it feel so… strange… Clearly this organization was meant for them to avoid each other. If Jim slept seven or eight hours and Spock… he said less, so let’s assume… three or four… that was almost half the day without having to confront each other. 

Jim simply felt weird that he was sleeping in his sheets. They weren’t dirty, and he knew Spock didn’t care, it was simply so weirdly intimate. It wouldn’t have been if it was anyone else on the crew. Spock was a strange person. It felt sort of like when you’re a kid and you think your elementary teacher is this strange creature that only lives at school and has no existence outside of it but you stumble upon them randomly eating at a restaurant or at the grocery store and suddenly realize they exist in the same world as you do. He hadn’t fully realized he viewed Spock this way before today. Maybe the fact that he knew an alternate old man version of him wasn’t really helping. 

He’ll just watch some film or read a novel, it would pass. 

After he had checked all of his messages and read a bit, Jim was watching a tragic holo-film about a sad love story set at the end of World War Three. When he heard ruffling in the bathroom and guessed Spock was up. Not saying anything, he waited until the Vulcan appeared in his frame of view, going to the replicator, for some tea surely. 

“Well, rise and shine.” he said, way too unconvincingly for it to sound cool.  
“Did anything occur while I was resting?”  
“No, nothing, and nothing will be happening for a long while apparently.”

Spock turned, cup of tea in hand and sat on a stool, his back to the screen. 

“Don’t wanna watch the movie Spock?”  
“Fiction is not a prime enjoyment of mine.”  
“Still, I’m inviting you.”  
“I have to decline.”  
“Please?”

Spock didn’t like fiction, yes, but Jim bothering him he liked even less, so he gave up and changed seats to take a better position for viewing the screen.  
Kirk’s face beamed. 

“There was a bombing on their town and she doesn’t know if her husband and her sister are alive or not, she’s looking for them, it’s tragic.”

Spock did not necessarily ask for the background information but he liked that Jim was thorough. On the downside the despair in that woman’s eyes did feel awfully familiar. 

They sat in silence as she ran into some obstacles, evading soldiers, fighting a mean individual Spock presumed from some type of Earth “mafia”. When she found her husband, he was just back from the hospital where his sister was badly wounded, dying. As they were crying watching her go, Spock suddenly got up, his back straight as ever, and started walking to the office desk. 

Jim was very invested in the film but still reacted immediately. 

“Something wrong? I can pause.”  
“No. Please continue without me.” Spock replied coldly. 

Maybe it was his tone, maybe it was the way he stood near the desk clearly _looking_ for something to do or maybe it was how his eyes got darker, but Jim sensed it. He thought, and then it dawned on him and in a harsh gesture he turned off the screen instantly. He didn’t get up to him, as he knew he didn’t like invasion of his personal space, but he pivoted on the sofa to face him.

“I hadn’t considered this could affect you personally Spock, I’m sorry, it was very insensitive of me, I had started it when you were asleep and I just thought…”  
“I am not affected. This is fiction.”

Oh, he was going to be a wall about this too, wasn't he? There was no use. He dropped it.

“Only funny movies while we’re here.”

Spock lifted an eyebrow. Humour is not his forte either Jim, remember?

“Or we’ll just avoid movies for now.”

A long two weeks. That was going to be a very long two weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the early support and sorry I didn't update yesterday !


	4. Day 5

To say that a routine had been installed would be a big thing to say, but McCoy’s assessments not getting any better, Spock and Kirk had gotten used to the idea that they were going to stay inside for long. They were used to staying inside a ship all the time, trained to, but in a single room, that was harder. The point had been to determine spaces. The sofa, small coffee table and big screen were their common area. The desk and small area around it was Jim’s area, where he tended to his business for a part of the day, reading all the reports (nothing extraordinary was happening, mostly routine checks and some enhancements). The empty area near the largest window was Spock’s. He sat there often to meditate, and read, looking at the sky. When either of them was in these places, they did not bother each other. It was an unspoken argument of course, and Jim often had to force Spock out of his shell. He needed some human interaction and sometimes calling Bones and laughing with him for a while didn’t really feel like enough.

Things between them had been slightly colder at times, a darker look, a sharper response, but they hadn’t gone to the point of a fight. Yet.

Jim was drinking some bourbon and watching a film again, trying to relax. 

Well, actually, the film was ending, and it was his third bourbon. 

“Spock, come here.”

Spock lifted his head from the book he was reading on his PADD and considered his Captain silently. 

“I just wanna chat, come on.”

Jim’s voice was loose, and the drinks, Spock concluded he was inebriated, and did not know how to act with him. Part of him wished to scold him like a father, another would have preferred to ignore him entirely. And a very, very small, hidden, part of him was curious, wanting to know what was behind the mask. 

He put away his book and sat on the armchair next to the couch, facing him. 

“I am listening.” he said calmly

Jim thought for a moment. 

“I thought we could do something. I ask you one question and you ask me one, we keep going and we answer honestly, no right to skip. Any type of question.”  
“I do not believe I would be comfortable…”  
“Don’t be a bore…”

Spock assumed Jim knew he was boring considering how many times he had said so in the past and everyday since they’d been here. He would’ve said no in many circumstances, but… He also had things he wanted to ask Jim. 

“I agree.” Spock linked his own fingers together, palm to palm.  
“Then shoot.” 

Jim crossed his arms and tried to lay sideways on the couch, but considering the impracticality of its design, almost lost balance. Spock thought. There were a lot of things he wanted to know, but what did he dare to ask? What could he even manage to formulate into a sentence?

“Did you always want to be a captain?”  
“I think I did but wasn’t aware for a long time.” He took a sip of his drink. “That’s an interesting first question Spock, one a journalist would ask, not my first officer. Be bold. Now okay, I’ll go.” He seemed to think. “What do you want from life Spock?”

Spock was strangely silent. It took him longer than usual to answer.

“I wish to accomplish this mission and be a good officer. Help Vulcan and my people.”  
“That’s not very precise. Do you want to stay in Starfleet forever? Become an admiral? Do you want a family? A nice house to live your old days in?”  
“I believe the rule is for one question to be asked.”  
“Hmm. You know you’re right. Go ahead.”  
“Are you ever... sad, Jim?”

Probably because he did not expect such a sharp question from Spock, Jim lifted his eyebrows, surprised. 

“I was not the happiest growing up. Catches up to me sometimes.” He did smile, but he was looking at his glass, whirling the liquid around. Even simply mentioning it, he felt that familiar hollowness creep inside of him. “Yes, I am sad sometimes Spock. I am human. Speaking of. Why did you and Uhura break up?”  
“How do you…”  
“I know everything on this ship. I have my informers.”  
“It was a mutual agreement.”  
“It never is.”  
“On what ground would you suppose this? Personal experience? I do not recall you having any solid ideas on that field.” Spock’s tone was cold as ice.  
“And how would _you_ know that?” Jim suddenly grew bitter, aggressive.  
“Maybe I, too, have informers.”  
“And they told you what, smartass? That I’m a slut?” He finished his drink in one gulp and got up, moving his arms about incoherently while he spoke the rest. “What if I am, uh? Oh yeah I’m Jim Kirk the biggest slut in the universe and you are so much better than me Spock.”  
“You are inebriated. Go to sleep.” Spock said firmly.  
“I’m not! I’m fine!” He slapped his forehead with his palm. “I’m fine.”

Spock realized his hand had tightened the fabric of his pants on his right thigh and he was clenching his jaw. 

“Do you really believe this is my opinion of you?” Spock asked, trying to hide any trace of anger in his voice.  
“Certainly feels like it.”  
“Why did you accept to have me serve by your side then?”  
“I ask myself that question very often.”

Spock’s eyebrows furrowed, a veil went over his eyes and his breath fell short for an instant. He collected himself very fast.

“If you refuse to sleep I will go before you as it is late already.”

He simply could not endure conflict. Running away, that was his thing. 

“I’ll sleep on the floor, whatever.” Jim said with a strange gesture of his hand. 

Spock went to sleep but wasn’t tired of course. He lay there awake, his eyes closed, trying to organize his thoughts around one goal : how to stop this from happening again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting a little more unhinged between the two but I swear this fic won't be all black


	5. Day 6

Jim did actually feel tired, very much so. Especially after the tension had gone down and he sat there on the sofa looking in the distance. He did need sleep. But obviously his first officer had now taken his place. 

It was a big bed, it wasn’t such a big deal, why were they acting like children after all? If they were ever, let’s say stranded on a planet, on a mission, they would potentially have to share a sleeping space. 

His mind still quite dizzy, Jim went to bed, all clothed, without changing into a sleeping attire. He lay as far away as possible from Spock, trying not to wake him up, and immediately fell into a deep, alcohol-induced slumber. 

Spock hadn’t been sleeping of course, only heavily resting and thinking, and he felt Jim’s weight fall onto the bed like a dead fish. He didn’t show any signs of being awake because he wanted the Captain to rest.  
Spock waited until the now familiar sound of his snoring came to his ears and rose from the bed quietly. He did stop there and look at Jim asleep for a second, the quietness of it all. The fire extinguished. 

He went to sit and read for the remainder of the night. 

When Jim woke up, he had a slight headache. _“Not that bad”_ , he thought. Spock was probably about to scold him and worsen this headache though. He got out of bed to see a coffee and two pancakes were waiting on his desk. The coffee was still fuming. He was about to turn to Spock but he arrived behind him.

“I replicated your breakfast for you.”  
“Yeah, I figured, there’s only us here remember?” 

Jim scratched the back of his head, he frankly didn’t know how to react to this gesture from his first officer. 

“Thank you… but I thought… I mean after last night I figured…”  
“Forgotten, Jim.” Spock said very seriously. “But alcohol should perhaps be prohibited here from now on.”  
“All right, mom.”

Spock lifted an eyebrow.

“Kidding, Spock.”  
“Of course.” He nodded. 

Well, perhaps he did need someone mothering him if he wanted to avoid acting so stupidly again. Jim grabbed his coffee and took a sip, looking around him.

“Day 6, uh? Almost an Earth week.”

Spock didn’t say anything. Sometimes Humans liked to state very obvious things for reasons he couldn’t always decipher exactly. 

Jim took a shower and got dressed. They both worked alone for a moment before Kirk suddenly got up from his chair, as if he had a sudden idea. 

“I’m bored.” He simply said.

He walked around the room, casually, as if he was visiting someone else’s quarters and looking at the decor. Suddenly a smile appeared on his face. He had an idea. 

“You like Earth music Spock?”

Spock remembered being a young child and dancing in the living room with his mother when his father was away. He could almost hear her laughter again, smell her perfume.

“It is not exactly my taste, no.” He said absently.  
“We’ll see about that once you’ve listened to this.”

He typed on his screen command, that had sound all around the room. As soon as the music (1) came on he started bobbing his head, shaking his arms and moving his feet. He needed to get out of his own head for a moment. He used to do that a lot back on Earth, but not really since he had been serving. Well, he didn’t really have time to breathe. He didn’t care what Spock could think, he would probably think him weird, but that wouldn’t be new. 

Spock avoided staring at first, but the scene was obviously distracting. The musical composition was seemingly from the end of the 20th century, the lyrics were cheerful and motivating, he could understand that it could make Jim feel better. His short hair was going in all directions across his head, his cheeks started getting read from the effort and his lean body was moving effortlessly around the room. Spock could not deviate his gaze. Even when Jim turned in his direction, with a small smile at the corner of his mouth. There was something so enticing about him at that particular moment that Spock felt almost dizzy and, to his surprise, reciprocated with a small smile of his own. After that, it was too much and he had to force himself to look at his book again. 

When the song was over, Kirk changed it to something more quiet and lowered the volume before sitting on the sofa, recovering his breath. He kept thinking about that look Spock had, and that smile, but couldn’t bring himself to turn his head in his direction. It was like if he turned the image would disappear from his mind. 

“You know I was thinking.” He cleared his throat. “This… sleeping thing was a bit childish. Sleep when you need to. There’s space.”  
“You are correct about the space, but there is a factor you haven’t considered.” Spock paused. “It is easier for me to rest when you are awake then asleep.”  
“Why?” He frowned and thought for a second. “Oh no…” His eyes widened and his tone got irritated. “Why _haven’t_ you told me I snore?!”  
“It was irrelevant until now.”  
“That is embarrassing.”  
“It is merely biology Jim. It might be due to your allergies or simply is a characteristic of your throat and tongue, a narrow airway caused by a genetic size issue of one or the other, or both. It is illogical to feel embarrassed.”  
“Well thank you I feel way less awkward now that you’ve described my throat and tongue abundantly Spock.”  
“I was trying to be... reassuring.”  
“I know, I know.” Jim laughed. “I will ask Bones if he has some sort of treatment for it.”  
“I do not mind.”  
“I do.” His hand went through his hair. “Don’t wanna fuck with your sleep schedule. Look how less grumpy you were today with earlier sleep.”

Was it the time really? Because he didn’t actually sleep very much. Or was it that sleeping next to Jim and seeing him so vulnerable had made Spock realize he had approached their relationship all wrong? That maybe he wasn’t the insane, impetuous man Spock had made him out to be? That perhaps he had to stop closing the doors on everything he ever said or did just because they had been close to enemies in the past? After all, they were here now because they had decided to trust each other in the end. 

Jim turned up the volume of the music (2), a happy tune that he moved his head to with a smile, looking in the distance. Spock wondered what he thought about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) It would be the only song in existence https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM  
> (2) Aye https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNjrBUzXDJk


	6. Day 8

“I don’t know Jim, do some exercise.” Bones sounded annoyed as Jim was talking to him from the bathroom, the only place he could get some privacy.  
“But where? I usually like to jog around or, I don’t know, lift some weight.”  
“I’m not your personal trainer.”  
“I’m going nuts.”  
“What about Spock?”  
“He reads. For hours. Meditates. And that guy only sleeps three hours at night, so he’s bored way longer than me. I don’t know how he does that.”  
“So? He just handles stressful situations better. That’s kind of his whole deal Jim.”  
“Yeah? What about when he tried to strangle me uh?”  
“You do sound nuts.”  
“He’s doing nothing at all. He’s calm.” Jim sounded angry.  
“That irritates you.”  
“He’s too patient. How can he be so patient?!” He said in an even more aggressive tone.  
“God Jim. Please blow off some steam and punch a wall or something. Bones out.”

Jim sighed and looked at his reflection in the mirror, then sighed again. He walked into the room. By now he could draw it sleeping, he knew every corner and every scratch on the wall. Spock was on the sofa looking at some science reports on the large screen. 

“Spock, tell me. Do you spar?”

Spock took a strangely long time to turn towards him.

“Occasionally.”  
“Oh really? How about against me? Now?”  
“I…” Spock pursed his lips. “There is no adequate protection on the ground. And I am much stronger than you, I would be an unfair opponent.”  
“So we’ll see. And there’s some sort of carpeting, we should be fine.”

Once again, Spock would have argued, but he knew when Kirk would not give up and this was one of these times. He got up from the sofa.

“Let’s push some furniture.”

They both pushed all the living room furniture to make the biggest space possible. It was not enormous but it was enough. 

Jim then proceeded to unzip and take off his uniform jacket so that he was only in a tight undershirt. Spock followed.

“Alright, you ready?”

Spock did not answer but looked straight at Jim with determination, placing his hands in front of him.

“Okay, let’s go.”

Jim stood on his feet, and they started to circle around each other in defensive positions. Jim was confident he’d be the first one to break and attack, but Spock came at him first, surprising him with a sharp blow of the side of his hand to his left arm. Ouch. He tried to hit him back immediately but the Vulcan evaded his hand. Then he stepped back only to lunge at him again, but he evaded again, this time trapping his hand behind his back and blocking him from moving. He let out a short breath, as this had taken more energy than all he had spent in the last days.

“Alright you win this one let me go.”  
“So you see?” Spock said, with satisfaction in his voice.  
“No. I’m sure you have a weak spot, let’s go again.”

With that, they continued sparring for at least ten minutes, Jim exhausting himself and Spock winning every time quite effortlessly. He wasn’t even sweating. Not a single drop. Not a red cheek. Nothing. 

But Jim continued, started memorizing the movements he often did, parrying them more easily. Until, as Spock was trying to block him on the ground, he found a way to lock his arms and legs in a position that allowed him to push him to the side and block him. He knew that, technically, he probably had the strength to push him away, but parrying-wise, it was kind of a win, and he wasn’t going to push him away because he was a good sport. 

So Jim was standing on top of him, his arms under his legs so that he couldn’t move, a smug smile on his face because he’d finally won. 

“I knew you had a weak spot.” He said, putting his face closer to his because his panting forced him to speak with a very low voice.

Spock was looking strangely at him, but then smiled lightly. The dark brown of his eyes hypnotized Jim for an instant and he could not look away. He felt his guts lift up, as if he was head down falling off a cliff or something. He wanted to…

He cleared his throat and jumped away from Spock.

“Uhm… sport’s over. I’ll go take a shower.”

He almost ran through the room. 

Spock stood there, a question stuck on his lips. 

_What the fuck. What the fuck was that Jim_. He said to himself as he had locked himself in the bathroom. _You stupid asshole this is no time to be horny. And for Spock? Spock?_ Because that was what it was. For a moment he had desired him. Maybe being locked up and having nothing to think about meant his libido was just attaching itself to him because he was the only one around. Yes, probably. A shower and a good night’s sleep and it would leave.

He did come out clean, but haunted by the thought he’d just had. He feared there would be no coming back from having viewed Spock in this way. He tried to convince himself he was a grown man and could handle that sort of… pulsion. 

Spock watched him going to sit at his desk fresh out of his shower and acting like nothing had happened, asking him if they could have dinner soon. He had forgotten one detail : Spock was a telepath, and lust was a strong human feeling. It had oozed out of Jim like steam out of a bowl of soup. 

He was ready to see just how long Jim was willing to lie by omission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and to everyone following this fic ! We're going to start to get into the... meat of things.


	7. Day 11

When Jim woke up on the eleventh day, he felt near him the presence of Spock, who had gone to bed well after him. Strange feeling. He sat in the bed, letting out a little sigh looking at him. Maybe they should not be doing this anymore after what he had… felt. Clearly his libido was beginning to play tricks on him and it decided to wake up now, of all times. He could not even… well… handle the matter himself so to speak, for two reasons, the first one being that he was scared to death of Spock hearing it or guessing it in some way, the other one, worse, that he was scared he would _think of him_ while doing it. 

Jim snapped out of it when he heard the ruffle of sheets near him. Shoot, he’ll see that he was staying awake in bed instead of jumping out of it like he usually did. Was that weird? Would he think he was watching him sleep? Wasn’t he though? Was he overthinking all of this?

“Oh, hi, good morning Spock.” Jim said quickly as he jumped out of bed, almost running to the shower again.

He could not take four showers a day though, he would have to find another excuse to evade him. 

Spock did not try to answer as he had already left. Had he purposefully chose to sleep so the Captain would have to wake up near him? Maybe. Everything confirmed what he had felt through his touch. 

He was getting tired of Kirk not being forthcoming with him. The man, after all, usually wore his honesty like a pride. It had been three days. All Spock wanted was the truth, and then they could deal adequately with that. 

He cornered Jim later that day by asking him to play chess with him, and broke out the conversation during the game. 

“Jim?”  
“Hmm?” 

They had been playing in silence until then. 

“You are aware I am a touch telepath, I believe.”  
“Yeah of course! That thing that…. Well… the… other you did to me.”  
“Not only… like this.” The thought that that had happened had always been very troubling to Spock. “If, for example, I were to touch your arm at this moment and a strong emotion was going through you, I would know.”  
“Oh, really.” Jim had gone slightly pale. “Any… kind of emotion?”  
“Any.”  
“Well.” The Captain chuckled out his embarrassment. “Thank god that never happened.”

Spock looked deadpan, well more than usual, all of a sudden.

“Jim.”

Kirk was weirded out, he thought he was reading too much into this conversation and being again completely obsessed about what had happened. Surely that was not what Spock was talking about, they had been touching then yes but he wouldn’t have felt it and not say anything about it for days that was stupid. 

“What?” He tried to be smug about it, acting like he had nothing to hide.  
“If you have something to say…”  
“What are you on about Spock?” He got up from his chair. “You know what? Fuck off.”  
He walked to the desk, trying to put his thoughts in order. 

“Apologies. I was not trying to make you angry.”  
“Why do I always feel like you’re manipulating me?”   
“You know Vulcans do not lie. Honesty is one of our core values.”  
“Oh that’s rich, that is _rich_.” Jim laughed angrily. “You don’t lie, maybe, but you hide. I’ve never heard you talk about your childhood, or anything remotely personal, you almost jumped on me when I tried to ask you details about your love life, you won’t even tell me about your grief for your mother. You’re not honest, Spock. And that has become very clear to me in our time here together. I want to _know_ things about you, I want us to go past this animosity we’ve held on to since this shitshow and be fucking friends. Why don’t you trust me? Tell me things? We’ve been stuck here together eleven fucking days and I don’t even know what your favourite colour is.”

Spock’s face closed. He certainly had not expected to be blamed in this situation for being dishonest. He had not even said anything, but clearly all of this had been building inside of Jim for a long time and was just waiting to come out.

“If that is how you feel, then I would appreciate you stating clearly your reasons for having been evasive with me since our sparring session.”

Jim’s face was growing red from anger as he was trying to contain himself. He still held on to the lie.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! Don’t evade the question. This is not about me.”  
“You know perfectly.”  
“I can’t stand you!” Jim yelled. “Stop patronizing me! I am your superior!”

He was starting to explode and turned around to kick the wall with his foot. 

“You are acting like a child.” Spock said coldly. 

Jim knew that was what he thought of him, that he was this impetuous teen, and maybe he was proving him right as of now. He saw him daily, though, he knew Kirk could be serious when he needed to be, and that when the fire came, it was always justified. But if they both knew, it was indeed childish to refuse to utter the words. 

“You know what, fine. You win, you got me. There was something. I wanted to… to kiss you, feel you. That’s what I felt : desire. It was a dumb instinct thing, some sort of stupid crush.” Jim took in a breath as he had said that at the speed of lightning to get it over with. “Now I’m very curious to know where in your dead, cold heart you’re gonna bury that information.”

The cold heart comment crushed something inside of Spock. 

_Your dead, cold heart._

Jim looked at him fiercely, clearly expecting him to bounce back and defend himself. But Spock didn’t. Because he felt Kirk was probably right. 

“Speechless, uh? Thought so.” Jim said, his tone sharp and cruel. “See, you still refuse to talk to me honestly, so I will do the same and stop talking to you. And I’ll sleep on the floor or something.”

Spock remained still and as Kirk turned his back to him to go work, started to put back each piece of chess slowly into its place. The Captain’s quarters were now in complete and heavy silence.

 _Your dead, cold heart._ It was all the Vulcan could think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, after the more cute bits a bit of a sadder/angrier one. This does depend on my mood while writing and also it isn't an easy ride for them to finally understand each other. Because then when they do, it will be well-deserved.


	8. Day 12

“Spock, Jim.” Dr McCoy’s voice resonated in the dimly lit room, early in the first shift. 

Spock lifted his head from his reading and Jim emerged from sleep sitting in the armchair, in the middle of a snore, feeling groggy and strange.

“Doctor? An update?” Spock asked, way more eagerly than he usually did.  
“We’ve had some better readings yesterday, finally found a way to recalibrate the scanners so we could actually see these particles without coming in contact with you. Problem is, that led us to see that they’ve mutated a lot since we last looked and we’re gonna have to go all over again on the analysis.”  
“That is unfortunate.” Spock answered, since Jim was being resolutely silent.  
“None of you has been experiencing symptoms? It can be very subtle, like, I don’t know, appetite, mood swings, weird pee, anything even slightly strange tell me.”  
“Jim’s mood has certainly been quite unpredictable.” 

That comment owed him a deadly stare from the concerned.

“Is that so? Jim? Why are you so silent?”  
“I am not having mood swings!” he exclaimed.  
“Does sound like it…” Bones admitted  
“Indeed.” 

Spock had said that with that “told you so” look on his face that Jim both swooned at and absolutely despised.

“You know what Bones? We’re both fine. Clearly we’re not sick. I think it’s time we leave this room and resume operations. It’s an ord-”  
“An order?” Bones huffed. “Were you about to order me to let you out?”  
“I have full clearance, I can do this myself.”  
“To hell you can. Listen to me, we’ve run simulations and we believe this bacteria could be very deadly to at least 5 Federation species. I’m sure you don’t want to be responsible for the tragic loss of half your fucking crew.”  
“Take it out of us then!”  
“I am _trying_. Now, Jim, you’re going to sit in your damn chair, read a crime novel, write your memoirs or knit a sweater for all I care, chill out a little, relax with your coffee, and stop being a little shit. I’m sure your nerves can handle it some more. You’re a Captain for god’s sake get your act together. Spock, keep me posted and call me if he’s about to kill you. McCoy out.”

There was a long silence after he hung up. An excruciatingly long one. 

Spock was staring deeply in the direction of Jim who was trying his hardest to ignore him, his face in his hands. 

“Can we speak?” Spock said softly. 

Not giving him even a sideways look, Kirk walked to his desk and sat there. Pretended to be busy. Reviewed all engineering data from the last week very, very slowly, even though he didn’t need to, didn’t care.

Spock pretended to read a book on his PADD about carnivorous flora in the alpha quadrant planets. 

They both tried to make the other believe there wasn’t one thing only on their minds, and they both failed. Jim could clearly feel Spock’s gaze on his back at times, and sensed he moved, changed position more than usual. And it did not take a lot for Spock to see that Jim’s screen was scrolling at a way lower speed than it usually did. The Vulcan noted to himself he did not only look at the screen, at one moment he looked at the back of Jim’s neck for a while, and at his muscular arm arranged in a strange angle over the back of the chair. 

A lot had gone through his head over the past hours, concerning the Captain’s strange confession. From what he understood of it, he desired him, physically, but only due to instinct, biology, and the attraction repulsed him, as he stated it was “stupid”. Spock knew that the Human did not care one bit of the gender or species of those he engaged in private relations with. 

Therefore, neither of those were what disgusted him about Spock. 

They did argue, and he did find him to be secretive, but Spock had thought the smiles, the jokes and the poise he had displayed since they started serving together meant he liked him, in some capacity. He had realized, in their confinement, it was not the case and he had interpreted things wrongly. It hurt him. Though he barely admitted it, maybe he had not always felt the right way either when hearing his laugh or watching his hips as he walked on the bridge for the morning shift. Maybe he had brought this on himself in a way, if some hidden part of Jim’s psyche had caught on. Was that possible? Maybe it is a book about psychology he should be reading. 

He waited for Jim so they could have lunch together as they usually did, but he did not see him make a move towards the replicator, therefore he didn’t either. By dinner he had given up and didn't move when Jim replicated a sandwich, ate later, alone.

Jim went to bed still ignoring him. Well, stubbornness was a quality of his. 

Spock sat cross-legged, thinking, in the dark, for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear it gets better soon ;) They're just dumb. It was supposed to get better in this chapter but didn't have time to finish today and it was getting too long anyways, so in a day or two :) This is why this one is short! Thank you all for reading !!


	9. Day 13

It happened as Spock was watching something on the sofa and Jim has just taken his morning coffee to his desk. An exclamation emerged suddenly out of the heavy silence.

“Fuck fucking son of a bitch fuck!”

Spock turned his head with a lifted eyebrow to see Jim covered on his left arm and thigh with coffee. He was still in his short-sleeved sleeping attire and the areas where the hot drink had touched the skin looked very, very red.

“Fuck that hurts!”

He was not crying but his eyes were definitely watery from the pain of the burn. 

“Jim, wait!”

Spock got up from the sofa and went to the food synthesizer to get a glass of cold water, then hurried towards the desk, where Jim was holding his arm with his palm. He bent down silently and poured the water on the burn, even though it was going everywhere else and on the ground, because it was now stained with coffee anyways.

Jim sighed, feeling a little relief. It was a bit embarrassing that his first officer was nursing him, but after all he was the one that had spilled his coffee stupidly. And it did hurt like a bitch. 

“There’s a…” He took a breath. “An emergency protoplaser in the bathroom drawer.”

Spock didn’t ask why such a thing was there, probably a result of Dr McCoy’s foresight in many areas. He fumbled through the drawer and brought it back, starting to heal the burns in silence. It was not an optimal medical device, only one to be used occasionally, therefore the healing took time. 

The sound of the beam repairing his skin was the only thing hanging in the air.

“Thank you.” Kirk said after a minute or two. 

Spock nodded politely. Jim paused and after another minute, uttered :

“I’m sorry.”  
“No need, it was merely an accident.”  
“Not for this Spock.” He rolled his eyes. “For lashing out.”  
“I am unfamiliar with the idiom.”  
“I didn’t want to scream at you.”

Spock lifted his eyes from the medical device to look the Captain in the eyes. He stared into the deep blue pupils, lost himself there for an instant, then brutally forced himself to look away. Jim fluttered his eyelashes when he lost grip on the Vulcan’s gaze. His guts felt like chewing-gum. He looked at his arm, which Spock had finished healing.

“Good as new.” He said with a small smile. 

The other burn on his thigh thankfully was under his clothes, so not as bad. He was covered in both coffee and water though. 

“Well, time to change… and clean this mess.” He got up from the chair. “Thank you again.”

He motioned towards the bathroom.

“Jim, I…” 

He stopped and turned back to Spock. The Vulcan looked troubled. He never did, he always looked _sure_. Seeing that he was not continuing his sentence after a moment, Jim crossed his arms and gave him a smug smile. 

“Wanna say something?”

Spock did not know what he wanted to say, he simply had felt there was something to say. It was strangely impulsive of him. 

“No.”

Spock lifted his eyes from the ground. 

And smiled back.

_______________

Later that day, they sat down in front of a film, like they used to do at the beginning of their quarantine, before it got… more complicated. Jim only had to choose something with no people dying, shouldn’t be that hard. 

He was barely watching - well, he liked dramas and action movies that had dying people. His eyes often drifted towards Spock and then back to the film, or he started getting lost in his own thoughts. 

“My favourite colour is vermillion red.” Spock said suddenly, completely out of the blue.

Jim turned his head towards him, his brows furrowed. Why was he saying this?

“What?”  
“Two days ago, you said you did not know what my favourite colour was. It is vermillion red.”

Jim frankly barely remembered saying this, it was in the heat of the moment, truly he did not care that much about that information. But it was sweet of him to try.

“Isn’t it… illogical to have a favourite? Colours are just colours, after all.”  
“I believe one can decide one’s experience of a particular colour is more positive than other ones, according to different factors, such as aesthetic appreciation, values and ideas attached to a shade or memories linked to it. Using these factors I have determined red is my favourite.”  
“And why is that?” Jim was genuinely interested.  
“In Human culture, it is associated with both danger and love, similarly in Vulcan culture it is associated with _grandeur_ and war. An interesting duality. The sunset on my planet, which is really pleasing, is in shades of bright red. I also have agreeable memories of eating strawberries brought from Earth with my mother.”  
“We had a lot of them in our garden in Iowa. They were huge, and I mean _huge_. Like you’ve never seen.”  
“Do you miss it?”  
“Well, right now I’d rather be anywhere as long as it’s out of this damn room. But usually, no.” He sighed. “I know a lot of people feel like they’re running away from their homeland when they’re in space, I feel like I’m fleeing space when I’m on Earth.”

He wasn’t expecting any answer from Spock. He was glad that he said something about himself and opened up to him. It wasn’t anything big for the average person, but he knew for his first officer it was. 

They continued their small talk until the film ended.


	10. Day 14

“Wait what? Come again? You’re asking me what Jim?” Bones was almost suffocating from laughter  
“I knew you’d make fun of me, you bastard.” 

Jim pretended to be angry at him, but… well it was funny, stupid, however you wanna call it. He was standing against the bathroom wall, the sonic shower running to cover his voice.

“Please. Medical advice. You’re my chief medical officer, remember?” He said while rolling his eyes, as Bones was still laughing at the other end of the com.   
“Alright yes, medical advice.” The doctor answered after a few more burts. “Medically speaking, no I don’t believe this bacteria can make you horny.”

Saying that again made him go back to giggling uncontrollably. 

“Also, you always are.” He added after a while.  
“Shut up.” Jim said, amused.   
“Am I wrong?”  
“It’s different. Worse.”  
“Worse? How? There’s nothing wrong with having a sex drive Jim.”  
“Not when you’re locked up in a small room with your first officer.”  
“Spock is the least sexy man in the world though. That guy is like a block of ice with ears.”

There was a very telling silence as Jim bit his lip and cursed himself for ever asking Bones about this.

“Wait…”  
“I think I’m gonna go work on some reports now. Kirk ou-”  
“Don’t you dare hang up on me, are you horny for Spock? Spock?!”  
“I’m no-”  
“I can’t believe that. You are.” The doctor started laughing again.  
“Fuck’s sake Bones stop laughing like a twelve years old.”  
“What was it that turned you on, did he solve an equation sensually? Said “Your reasoning lacks logical balance” with a very attractive deep voice? Bent down slowly to light up meditation candles? Enlighten me Jim please I am dying to know.”  
“You are such an asshole.” Jim laughed.   
“Yes. I’ve gotta go work on the samples now but please send my regards to your sexy roommate, will you?”  
“Very funny.”  
“Don’t do anything stupid. McCoy out.”

Kirk sighed. His best friend didn’t know he actually had already done a very stupid thing by admitting it to Spock, letting him keep that information and be free to lock it somewhere and never mention it again. Well, maybe that was for the best. After all, everything fades away after a while. And he wanted it to go away, right? He forgot the thought and turned off the shower.

He maybe should have thought about it more since the subject came back on the table later that day, as they were both having dinner. They were trying to keep as close as the normal ship schedule possible so as not to go all over the place either in meal times or sleeping habits, and so everything would flow smoothly once they got out.

Spock had been haunted by the same question since Jim had made him aware of his... attraction to him : “What was wrong with him?”. He did not know the correct way to word it so that he could ask Kirk. He knew that blunt words could force humans to evade questions, feel uncomfortable, and it was not something he wished for in this situation.

“Jim, I wonder.” The captain was chewing his food peacefully in front of him. “Is it true that you have had romantic and sexual partners of all species and genders?”

Jim almost choked on his ravioli and it took him a good five seconds to have his breath back and swallow it. Spock concluded his words were still too blunt.

“Yes. I’m bisexual. And not prejudiced. Why?” He was almost scared to ask that.  
“If such is the case, I would like to know what about myself repulses you? You described your attraction negatively. I am merely curious.” 

Jim put his fork down and blinked twice, then fixated his eyes on him.

“Well I… I don’t know Spock I…” He stuttered. “We work together and you’re… You’re like… There’s nothing repulsive about you, it simply… It’s a bad thing.”  
“For what reasons?”  
“Every reason. You’re not… You wouldn’t… It wouldn’t happen, and if it did it would get ugly between us and you’d be hurt and we would still have to continue to be a team. That’s why.”  
“So it is your assumption that I would not be interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with you and that if I were it would have a negative impact on our work and cause me a great distress?”  
“I… I guess.”  
“Interesting.”

Spock did not add anything and continued eating his veggies in silence, his back straight. He had the answer he was looking for and now simply was planning to think about it for a while. Jim was completely frozen and stood there silent before he could work up the courage to say something. 

“That’s all? You just wanted to ask me that out of curiosity?” He finally asked.  
“Yes.”

There was silence again. Jim was, honestly, dumbfounded by the conversation. After a while he tried again.

“Are my assumptions... correct?” He asked, trying to speak his language so he could get something out of him.

Spock pursed his lips and considered the question. 

“I am unsure.”

 _He_ was unsure of something. Well that was new.

Spock sincerely did not know how he felt. His desire worked differently than for regular humans, he had learned that with Nyota. It took time and effort for him to be open in the way they were, and often it was not enough. It had not been enough for her, after all, and understandably so. 

“I’ll leave you to think about it then.” Jim gave up, sighing as he took his plate back to the processor. 

There was maybe one way he could be sure. 

Jim went to sit on the armchair, one of his legs in a strange angle over it. Spock had observed he rarely sat in proper positions in casual settings.

After having put away his plate, Spock walked and stopped in front of him. Jim immediately got up, fast, as if woken up by something important. 

“Can you hold out your hand? If you agree.”

Jim was confused. Spock spoke as if he was a policeman controlling him at high speed on the highway.

“What?” He blinked.  
“The gesture I am about to perform is very intimate to my people and much less to humans, which is why I am asking for your agreement.”  
“I… agree?”

Spock nodded. Jim, who wasn’t even sure what he was agreeing to, slowly extended his hand to him, as if he was about to shake his. He could see the Vulcan hesitate for an instant, before he extended his. He started by dragging his fingers along his palm, barely touching it, like you do to calm down a baby. Then continued along his phalanxes before the tip of his fingers touched the tip of his, which he pressed gently. It was a sweet sensation, reassuring for Jim. Only, he was wondering if Spock was reading his mind, or whatever he could do. Spock did, in a way, as he felt a rush of desire flow into him, he felt Jim’s emotions were relaxed and peaceful, that he was at ease. He did feel something for him and that exposed it. Had he done this with someone different, he would have only felt a slight comfort, only. Not this. He felt like his insides were torn.   
Spock took away his hand to put it behind his back. He was still looking deeply into the human’s blue eyes.

“Did you read my mind?” Jim asked coyly.  
“No. But I believe you have read mine.” Spock answered, firm as plank.

Not asking for anything else, Jim reached for his hand again and pressed his lips against his, kissing him fiercely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost the third week of containment in my flat for me and this fic finally reached this point eheh. Naturally there is more to come. 
> 
> If you like this fic don't hesitate to read my one shots and my Sch'n T'gai family fic that I'm planning on updating soon (sorry about the delay).
> 
> Love you all & stay safe !


	11. Day 15

As soon as their mouths separated, Jim stepped away, looking horrified of having crossed that boundary. What the fuck had he done? And why had Spock encouraged him?

There definitely was no going back. Now he wanted all of him, terribly. But that would be the stupidest thing he could ever think to do as a captain and there was no way in hell it could go right. 

“Jim? Are you well?” Spock asked, calling his name as if he had left the world of the living, which could be considered seeing how pale he got.

Spock still felt a prickling in his fingers from his touch.

“Yes. I’m great.” he said, putting his hands in front of him in a reassuring gesture  
“Was it not to your liking?”

Jim could still feel the softness of his lips and the dampness of his tongue. Spock was so blunt he was the worst person to make a mistake like that with.

“It doesn’t matter it’s… It’s a bad idea Spock. It’s probably the worst idea I have ever had and that is saying something.”

Just like that, the First Officer reverted to his usual self.

“Understood, Jim.” He said, straightening his back, but his tone still much sweeter than it ever would have been before the kiss.   
“Great.”

Jim shook his head, as if it could shake off the shame, and walked back to his desk. He had become a master in the art of pretending he was doing something. Or at least he thought he did, since Spock had seen through that after a minute, but convincing himself was perhaps the most important. 

He needed to get out of this damned room. Talk to other people. If he could just get intimate with someone else and voodoo his desire for Spock out of him. But no. It was only them and the elephant in the room. Hopefully not for much longer.

The thing is, Jim craved contact, even more so than a lot of other humans. It didn’t have to be meaningful, or long-lasting, but there had always been this hole in him he longed to fill and it never went away. Not even romantically strictly, simply being physically there with someone, hugging them, feeling their presence. Spock was not always a physical presence, sometimes it felt like things with him were ethereal, so obviously he had felt the need to make him exist. It was just that, nothing else. Just that and nothing else. 

Spock resisted the need to call Nyota and ask her if he was that bad at kissing. There was surely a larger issue, only Jim had been very vague about what was wrong. The regulations weren’t very clear about fraternizations with personnel, and after all Spock had been dating his student, and then his colleague, for two years, and here it was not about dating even, so he did not feel like that was a problem. It wasn’t hard “What is wrong Jim?”, that was all he had to ask. He couldn’t. He feared it was not his place, that it would jeopardize the peace between them, he didn’t feel like that was an adequate move.

Funnily enough, as Spock was sitting on the bed, preparing to fall asleep, Jim, who it seemed had an occurence of insomnia, came to lay on the bed besides him, his hands behind his head, and asked : 

“What’s wrong with me Spock?”

It was almost murmured, as if he was asking the question to himself. 

“Many things.” Spock said very seriously,not facing Jim.   
“Wow.” Jim chuckled. “Thank you.”

Spock turned around to look at him. 

“Humans are inherently flawed individuals.”  
“So you’re half-flawed then?” Jim grinned.  
“Perhaps.” Spock seemed to think. “Yes I am, in fact.”  
“Hmm. According to who?”  
“My father.” Spock looked away. “Nyota. Dr McCoy. You.”

Jim looked at him deeply, strangely. It was probably the most intimate thing Spock had ever admitted to him. He didn’t even know how to react and felt stupid smiling as he said :

“Well, infinite diversity in infinite combinations...”

 _Infinite combinations._ He looked at Spock, expecting him to take the hint, but he didn’t know a hint for what, and he wasn’t sure Spock had ever taken a hint. 

“Indeed.” Spock adjusted his sleeping shirt. 

Jim looked at his first officer and realized he had been wrong to think Spock was not _there_ like other people. He was present like anyone, he had simply not seen him properly before. The captain yawned and looked at the ceiling. He dimmed the lights, still sitting, the room was almost completely dark. Spock was almost asleep. In a low voice, almost muttering, Kirk asked :

“Spock… Can I hold you? While I sleep?”

Spock frowned, wondered how that would make him feel, he did not usually enjoy prolonged physical contact, and he would probably have to wake him up in a couple of hours to go about his day. But there was something in his tone, something innocent and lonely, that made him give in. 

“Yes.”

Slowly, Jim laid down and circled Spock’s waist with his arms, resting his chin on his shoulders.

“Good night.” he said. 

Spock did not answer. All he felt in the contact of his hands and body was peace and quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness in updating ! One good week followed by one bad week ahah


	12. Day 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !! sorry for leaving this open like this! i decided to wrap this fic up nicely so it doesn't just... stand there, so the ending might feel a bit rushed i'm sorry about that. i'm going out of lockdown in two days so it was only fitting to close this fic that i started on the first week of quarantine :) thank you everyone for reading !!

Spock had emerged from bed soon thereafter, carefully moving away Jim’s hands from him and placing them alongside him in the bed. He was snoring, of course. Spock wished there existed a blueprint on how to act in these situations, as Jim’s intentions were unclear. He wished for them to get physical but also refused it, pushed him away to better draw him close. Spock did not understand it. He had no one to consult about this issue either, he did not wish to cause distress to Nyota following their recent breakup and he was sure any explanation Dr McCoy would give him would make the matter even more obscure to him. He felt like contacting any other member of the crew would not be fair to Jim’s privacy. 

If only she was still… Perhaps she would help.

But she was not, so he drank tea quietly. Confused. Conflicting feelings overwhelming him. Trying to close his eyes and understand them. Unable to. Shutting them down. 

Until he heard movement behind him, and seemingly far away for his troubled mind was Jim’s voice. 

“Good morning Spock.”

Spock straightened his back on the chair and put the cup of tea to his lips again.

“I… I’d like to tell you…”

The Vulcan shifted his gaze. Looking straight into his eyes. Trying to tell him not to say anything, to please let it go, please forget it.

“I really… I… It’s just like… I wish…”

Jim was never like this so obviously something about Spock’s gazing at him made him uncomfortable and unsure of what he wanted to say. Unfortunately, or fortunately -Spock’s mind was not made about this-, the Doctor’s voice resonated in the room over the com system. 

“Good morning you two!”

Very cheerful and polite for Dr McCoy. Suspicious. Spock lifted an eyebrow and he saw Jim do the same.

“You’re getting out today. We cracked it finally, found an inhibitor to protect the crew.”  
“You have administered it to everyone on board?” Jim asked.   
“Of course yes. Except to the both of you. I’m coming in fifteen minutes and then we can resume operations.”  
“In fifteen minutes.” Jim repeated, absentmindedly.  
“Yes, Jim. Problem?”  
“Not, of course not.” Jim bit his lip. “See you then. Kirk out.”

Jim went straight to the coffee machine, still undressed, and drank it patiently, leaning against the wall. Spock was waiting for him to say something, folding up his clothes into a neat pile. Seeing that Jim was not speaking, he encouraged him. 

“I believe Doctor McCoy will be here in twelve minutes now.”

Jim folded his arms and looked… strangely… slightly angry. 

“Good. Can’t wait.”

There was silence for another two minutes before Spock spoke again.  
“It is ten minutes now.”  
“What are you Spock, a goddam alarm clock?!” Jim clenched his jaw.

Spock was taken aback by his aggressive tone but tried to keep calm.

“I was merely… You are not dressed.”

Jim looked at himself, seemed to remember and sighed. 

“Right. Yes. Sorry.”

He dressed up in silence and Spock kept tidying up the room to keep his mind occupied. Soon enough it was only four minutes and forty-five seconds. Four minutes and thirty seconds. Twenty. 

Spock thought maybe he should be the one to say something. But what? He walked towards Jim who was brushing his teeth in the bathroom and paused at the door.

“Jim.”  
“Uhm?”

Of course it was not a good idea because he had his toothbrush in his mouth. Or maybe it was better because then he could not interrupt him?

“I wish to express my satisfaction that these unfortunate circumstances have allowed us to put aside some differences we had in the past.”

Jim looked at him strangely, stopped brushing his teeth and spit in the sink, ready to wash his mouth and say something when the door made a noise. Three minutes. Sometimes Spock forgot when Humans said a time it was most often a rough estimate. 

“Jim, can I come in? You’re dressed up?” He said through his com. 

He knew him too well.

“No. Wait a minute.”

He was dressed though, Spock thought, and ready. Why did he lie? Jim looked at him. 

“But you are…” Spock started to ask

Before he could continue, Jim was kissing him. He kissed him back, pushing him against the sink. The Captain’s back arched and Spock wished he could stop kissing him but desire was running through him fiercely. After a moment he felt Jim’s hand against his and trembled. His other hand went against his cheek and pulled it away from him, putting an end to their kiss.

“He’s gonna come in any second now.”

He looked at Spock with a cheeky smile. A smile that could light a thousand stars. 

“I’m coming in.” they heard through Jim’s com. 

Kirk quickly emerged from the bathroom and left Spock there, his hand suspended mid-air. He took a moment to think as he heard their voices in the corridor. 

McCoy couldn’t help but have a smile on his face when he saw Jim. They hugged each other briefly, well, it had been two weeks. The doctor then stepped away and quickly said, as he pulled out something from his pocket. 

“Don’t move, I’m gonna give you your shot.” He started to do so. “Where’s Spock?”  
“I am here, Doctor.”

Spock had stepped out of the bathroom, his hand behind his back.

“Good. Your turn, then.”

Jim was looking at him sideways. Bones started walking towards him but Spock put one of his hands in front of him, motioning him to stop. 

“Jim.” Spock said softly.

They both looked at each other, Spock was trying to find words. 

“Please...” Bones huffed. “Don’t tell me during these two weeks you’ve stopped using language and now communicate through morse code by batting your eyes.”

Neither answered and Bones grew impatient.

“Ok well, I’m giving you the damn shot Spock.” 

He walked to him and stuck the hypospray in his neck.

“Great, let’s go now. Everyone’s waiting for you two on the Bridge.” 

He started walking towards the door. Spock reached for Jim’s hand.

“I’ve told them getting a cake to celebrate was a stupid idea, they might have done it anyways I’ve gotta warn yo… Guys?”

They weren’t following him and he realized it once he was almost past the door. 

“Nothing is wrong with you.” Jim said gently. “I was being stupid. I want to be with you Spock.”

Bones coughed and then seemed to choke. 

“Oh god I’m gonna give you guys a minute.”  
“Yeah sounds good.” Jim said, laughing a little.  
“Make this quick and go to the bridge right away. You’re Captain James T. Kirk, remember? Not Don Juan.”  
“Please leave Bones.” Jim laughed again.   
“Alright, alright.”

Spock’s fingers trailed along the base of Jim’s neck and he smiled, as Jim was beaming too, laughing. 

“I believe I want it as well.”

Jim pulled him in for another kiss, quick and then slapped his hands together, already walking away.

“Well that’s agreed, First Officer Spock. Now duty calls.”


End file.
